"Cynthya was our doula for the birth of our third child in April 2016. As this was my third birth, and I had been attended to by a doula at the first two, I knew that finding the right doula was crucial to a successful and satisfying birth." - Winter Wheeler-Young
Treatment of Depression During Pregnancy and the Postpartum Period
As a society, we need to remove the stigma of mood disorders and mental illness.
"Several adverse obstetric complications have been reported with untreated prenatal stress and depression, including pre-eclampsia, preterm delivery, low birth weight, miscarriage, small-for-gestational-age babies, low Apgar scores, and neonatal complications.7,8 In addition to being debilitating for the mother, postpartum depression affects maternal-infant interactions and some measures of infant development."
This is an excerpt from this article titled Treatment of Depression During Pregnancy and the Postpartum Period, published by the US Department of Health and Human Services.
While there is a fine line between normal hormonal changes and clinical depression and anxiety, any symptomatic woman in the perinatal period should seek clinical evaluation and possibly treatment.
Won't the Medications Cause Harm to Baby?
It is a common concern for women with known depression to be wary of taking medication during pregnancy and/or breastfeeding. Quite frankly, for most pregnant women, there is some sense of fear of putting anything in their bodies. However, more and more is being published about the much GREATER risks of untreated depression in pregnant women. I spoke to an OB and a Pediatrician personally and asked for their opinion on the subject. To paraphrase, each physician emphasized how grateful they are when women come forward with these concerns so that they can be appropriately taken care of. Both of the doctors reiterated the vast research on the damage that untreated chemical imbalances can cause the mother AND the child. There are many safe antidepressant medications for pregnancy and breastfeeding.
There are Facebook support groups for women struggling with pregnancy and postpartum depression/anxiety with literally THOUSANDS of members. This is an epidemic that deserves more attention and less judgment. We are afraid to seek help for fear of looking weak or unfit as a parent.
As a society, we need to remove the stigma of mood disorders and mental illness. A mother who feels out of control of her emotions or feelings should not feel ashamed or like a bad mother. She should feel empowered to do the right thing for herself and her baby and seek the best treatment, as decided by her provider and herself.
These 6 Tips Will Teach You How to Comfortably NOT Breastfeed
There are many reasons people choose not to breastfeed or cannot physically breastfeed. If you are in the category of not breastfeeding, remember, that is okay! Do not allow others to put you on a guilt trip. It is your body and your baby, so choosing what works for you is your decision!
There are many reasons people choose not to breastfeed or cannot physically breastfeed. If you are in the category of not breastfeeding, remember, that is okay! Do not allow others to put you on a guilt trip. It is your body and your baby, so choosing what works for you is your decision!
A bit about milk production:
About halfway through pregnancy, your body begins making colostrum. After delivery of the baby and placenta, your body will begin to make more mature milk that will start to “come in” after a few days. If the milk is not being used by feeding or pumping, milk production will gradually slow down and eventually stop. Around 7-10 days postpartum, hormones should return to the non-pregnant level. Here are some tips to help ease the discomfort or engorgement you may feel while your milk is drying up.
Protect and cover by wearing a supportive bra without underwire. Binding the breasts is not necessary and can lead to mastitis and plugged ducts.
Apply cool compresses or ice packs to the breasts. Some prefer frozen peas as they shape the breast nicely.
Take anti-inflammatory medicine like ibuprofen.
If the discomfort is unbearable, it is ok to express a small amount of milk; but only enough to ease the discomfort. Keep in mind, though, expression at regular intervals can signal the body to produce more milk and slow down the drying-up process.
Shield when showering! Stand with your breasts away from the warm water flow, as the water can stimulate milk flow, and thus, milk production.
Soothe with raw cabbage leaves inside your bra around the breasts. You can refrigerate or freeze the leaves for a nice cool sensation. There has not been a lot of research done to support cabbage-reducing milk production, but it is a safe method, eases discomfort, and is worth a try.
If you notice signs of mastitis, such as painful redness in a pie slice shape on the breast, warmth to the touch, fever, or fatigue resembling flu symptoms, please contact your doctor immediately. You may need medication to treat the infection, and delaying treatment can worsen your condition.
Although many herbal supplements are suggested online, consult an herbalist and your doctor before trying any, as they can be toxic if misused, have unknown side effects, or might interact negatively with medications, including over-the-counter ones.
Ultimately, you know what's best for your situation. Whether you decide to pump or breastfeed, we support your choice and are here to help if needed.
Related articles:
7 Key Ingredients to a Good Night’s Sleep for Your Newborn
Postpartum Expectations and Must-have Items
Treatment of Postpartum Depression
How to Stop a Baby's Crying
Postpartum Expectations and Must-have Items
To help you prepare for an easier postpartum time and a speedy recovery after birth, here are a dozen comfort suggestions and must-have items to have on hand following either a surgical or vaginal delivery.
In addition to filling your freezer with nutritious meals, lining up pet sitters, and daily help from family and friends, you'll want to stock up on postpartum supplies to have on hand upon your discharge from your birthing facility. Below are a dozen comfort suggestions to help you prepare for an easier postpartum time and a speedy recovery for both surgical and vaginal deliveries.
This post does NOT include any affiliate links for the below suggested items used for an easy postpartum recovery. We are sharing these links to help you prepare for parenthood. Also, here is our recommended gift registry for infant and breastfeeding gear that you may copy on Babylist to prepare for your baby showers. Happy Shopping!
After care items for a vaginal birth:
Epifoam
If you receive stitches on your perineum, you'll likely receive a numbing spray called Epifoam while in the hospital. If you need more after your return home, ask your doctor if Dermaplast (over the counter) is an acceptable alternative.Sitz baths
This plastic tub is placed directly on the toilet rim (seat up) and you sit on it as it circulates warm water on your bottom via a tube connected to a bag you fill from the sink. This helps clean your bottom, may encourage urination, and will help with healing. Many women find it very comforting. Follow this with an ice pack! (Insert sigh of relief!) Your hospital may offer you a sitz bath or you can find this at your local pharmacy.Peri-bottle
Following the birth of your baby, you will be given a small plastic bottle filled with warm water. Use it to squirt on your bottom as much as necessary to help encourage urination and dilute the sting caused from urine. Once your bladder is empty, squirt your bottom again gently with as much water as necessary to help clean your bottom. Then PAT your bottom dry with hospital wash cloths or toilet paper. Take your bottle home with you or buy a few to keep in each of your bathrooms.
For both type of deliveries:
Doughnut-shaped pillow or wedge (V-shaped) cushion
Called coccydynia or coccygodynia, tailbone pain usually goes away on its own within a few weeks or months after childbirth. To lessen pain while sitting, use a doughnut-shaped pillow or wedge (V-shaped) cushion. Try a dollar store pool tube!Witch hazel or Tuck's pads
Found at your local pharmacy, witch hazel is an over the counter astringent, which can be used to help shrink hemorrhoids. Most commercial bottles of witch hazel contain alcohol so it may sting with direct application. TJ Dickinson's is a brand that sells pure witch hazel. It may take you some time to locate TJ's unless you shop at Whole Foods. (You may want to try the wipes, Tuck's pads, or Preparation H.) If using the liquid, you can make a “padcicle” by soaking a pad with witch hazel and placing it in a clean Ziploc bag then freezing it. Once frozen, remove it and wear it as normal. Many women find this very comforting for their swollen, sore bottoms – especially after a vaginal delivery.Senokot
A gentle vegetable-based laxative called Senokot may be offered to you at the hospital. You can also find it over the counter at your local pharmacy. It is generally well-tolerated (doesn’t cause intestinal cramping) and takes effect within about 12 hours, so it’s usually taken in the evening.Colace
To help with those first few postpartum bowel movements, you may want to try Colace, a stool softener, during the first several days. Once you are eating/drinking somewhat “normally” and soreness has subsided, you may wish to stop taking these medications. Both can be taken on an as-needed basis in the future.Maxi Pads (overnight/heavy flow with wings)
Bleeding for the first 6-8 weeks following delivery is normal. It is called Lochia (LOW-kee-uh). It will begin as very heavy, bright red bleeding that will gradually diminish to a dark red, brown and then to a more yellowish color. During this time period, nothing at all should be introduced to the vagina. Only wear pads, cloth/reusable or disposable, no douching, and no sexual intercourse until the lochia flow has stopped and you have been cleared by your provider."Granny" or Mesh Panties
At the hospital, you will use mesh panties to hold your pad and ice pack. Bring the mesh underwear home with you or have a pair or two at home. If you've had a c-section, try the C-Panty. Here’s a listing of postpartum panties to find the right type for you.Ibuprofen Pain Reliever (Motrin/Advil)
6-800mg of ibuprofen will be brought to you every 6 hours in the hospital, along with some crackers. This medicine will help with cramping, and will also help with inflammation “down below.” Most women find the ibuprofen is enough to manage their pain, but if you are still experiencing a lot of pain, ask your nurse for something else (usually taken in conjunction with the ibuprofen). You will be sent home with a prescription for the 800mg tabs of ibuprofen.Nursing Pads
When you nurse your baby, you will experience what is called a “let down”, which is simply the release of milk from your breasts at the same time. When you hear your baby cry, you may also leak milk and appreciate wearing nursing pads. Both reusable/washable and disposable pads are available for purchase. If you don't plan to breastfeed, you'll still need pads for a bit of time as well as a head of cabbage kept in your fridge.Nipple Cream
In the first few weeks breastfeeding, your nipples may get a bit sore. Nipple cream by Earth Mama Angel Baby or Motherlove will help soothe and heal the affected areas. Alternatively, you could try organic coconut oil.
It Takes A Village
You will need to build your village of support people. It’s important for BOTH parents to seek out support from other parents – not just friends, but other people who have kids and “get it.” Both men and women experience postpartum depression. Read this to be able to recognize the signs of postpartum anxiety and depression.
Find a support group NOW so you know who/where to turn to for help. You can always call your doula or care provider if you need suggestions. We're here for you.
Finally, you may wish to arrange a lesson with an infant care specialist for hands-on guidance on newborn care. Doing so will help ease your transition to parenthood. Best wishes!
Tips To Help Make Breastfeeding Easier When Going Back To Work
PART 1 of 2: Breastfeeding is not the norm for much of the USA and it’s hard to get people to understand the amount of work it takes to be successful at it. To promote breastfeeding success while you are still pregnant keep these helpful tips handy.
Being a parent is a full time job and trying to breastfeed is a full time job. Now add going back to your “real” full time job while trying to balance being a mom/wife and trying to keep up with breastfeeding is one word: STRESSFULL!!
Breastfeeding is not the norm for much of the USA and it’s hard to get people to understand the amount of work it takes to be successful at it. To promote breastfeeding success while you are still pregnant keep these helpful tips handy.
Register for an extra slow flow nipple like a preemie nipple for the bottles you choose. No need to size up unless they are sucking so hard they are collapsing the nipple. Our breasts rate of flow don’t change as babies grow, so the flow from the bottle doesn’t need to either.
Don’t open/wash all the bottles you get. Most stores will let you exchange the bottles if they don’t agree with your baby.
Get free bottles of various brands whenever you can. This way you will have lots to test out if they don’t like the one you registered for when it comes time to introduce a bottle to your baby. Once you find one that works for you and your baby, pay it forward and give the bottles to another pregnant person you may know.
Buy a good hands-free pumping bra. I really liked the Simple Wishes Hands-Free Breastpump Bra. I have a large cup size and it held everything in place well.
If you can afford it, have two pumps. One for work and one for home to reduce the amount of stuff you have to haul back and forth. Consignment sales are a great place to buy a closed system pumps (like the Spectra) that are safe to reuse from person to person.
Order a pump through your insurance. A lot of the time they are free. You may need a prescription from your OB/Midwife for a pump before ordering one. I personally loved my Spectra S2.
For more info on how to best prepare to breastfeed, see if this affiliate online course and other resources (some are free!) by Lactation Link are right for you.
“Your success of being a working, breastfeeding person is not measured in ounces in your freezer. It’s measured in the happiness of you and your baby.”
Before your return to work, follow these tips to promote healthy breastfeeding:
Don’t worry about pumping for the first 4-6 weeks of baby’s life unless you have to return to work before 6 weeks. Just enjoy your baby and let your body regulate its milk supply before you start making it oversupply. That can cause a lot of other issues for you later on. If you do have to return earlier, start pumping two weeks before going back.
You only need enough milk to fill the bottles the first day (1-1.5 oz. per hour when away from baby). You will replace those when you pump. Having a huge milk stash is not needed and it takes up so much space in your freezer. Your success of being a working, breastfeeding person is not measured in ounces in your freezer. It’s measured in the happiness of you and your baby.
Introduce a bottle 1-2 times a week starting around 3-4 weeks old. At this time baby should have figured out latching pretty well, so there is no need to worry about nipple confusion. Have someone else feed the bottle as some babies don’t take a bottle well when the breast is nearby. You can also introduce a pacifier at this point as well.
It doesn’t have to be a full feeding. It can just be a snack.
Watch videos on pumping to see how to get the most milk out.
Make sure you have the right size flanges. Nipples should not rub the sides and shouldn’t be sliding all the way down the flange.
Next up: Pumping and Breastfeeding Tips For Going Back To Work.
Related articles:
Essential Items for Baby and Which to Ditch
These 6 Tips Will Teach You How to Comfortably NOT Breastfeed
4 Things To Do Now For A Healthier Postpartum
Pumping and Breastfeeding Tips For Going Back To Work
Pumping and Breastfeeding Tips For Going Back To Work
PART 2 of 2: After maternity leave is over, your first day back to work might be filled with lots of emotions. To ease back into the workplace, I suggest you make your first day back in the middle of the week to make transition a little less chaotic. For more tips to help encourage breastfeeding success after returning to work, please read on.
Part 2 (read part 1: Tips To Help Make Breastfeeding Easier)
Part 2 (read part 1: Tips To Help Make Breastfeeding Easier)
After maternity leave is over, your first day back to work might be filled with lots of emotions. To ease back into the workplace, I suggest you make your first day back in the middle of the week to make the transition a little less chaotic.
I've listed below the things that have helped me continue breastfeeding and pumping after I returned to work, and while traveling. You'll need to guard your pump time! Block it out on your calendar and set appointment reminders on your phone. For all day meetings and events, remind people in advance that you will need to take breaks for pumping.
Know that your baby may have a transition period where they are refusing to drink from a bottle at daycare. This usually passes within two weeks. You might notice they start to cluster feed at night to make up for it. Expect your baby to want to be attached to you when you get home. It’s their way of saying they missed you.
To encourage breastfeeding success:
Buy a door stopper and place it behind the door when you pump. For some reason people don’t stop and knock when a door is locked even when there is a sign that says that the room is in use. It will also allow you to use spaces that don’t have a lock with confidence that no one will walk in on you.
Have lots of pictures and videos of your baby to look at while pumping. Ones of them crying are great to encourage a letdown.
Pump for every missed for 30 minutes per session, or for 2-5 minutes after the last drops of milk.
Remember that what you pump is NOT an indication of what baby gets when they are at the breast. Breasts are made for babies, NOT for cold plastic pumps.
You don’t have to wash out your parts after every use. Store these in a gallon size Ziploc bag and put them in the refrigerator.
Change out your membranes every couple of months or when you notice a decrease in supply.
Keep a spare outfit for yourself in your office or car for the days you are leaky.
Items to store in your pump bag:
extra membranes
wash cloth to dry yourself off
milk storage containers
freezer packs
gallon size ziploc bags
nipple cream/coconut oil
pump, pump power cord
flanges and tubing
breast pads
clean bottles
phone charger so you can look at pictures of your baby
snacks and water
For the traveling, breastfeeding parent:
Print the TSA guidelines for transporting breastmilk and keep them in your carry-on bag to show anyone who may need a reminder.
Breastmilk does not need to follow the normal 3.4 oz. guideline.
Your breastmilk does not need to go through the X-ray machine if you don’t want it to. Make sure to allow extra time for the required screenings, as well as a personal pat down by security.
Ice packs, freezer packs, frozen gel packs and other accessories required to cool formula, breast milk are allowed in your carry-on.
Some airports have pumping and breastfeeding pods called Mamava. Use their app to locate a pod closest to you. Mamava pods are pretty nice and are a great place if you don’t want to feed or pump in public.
“If pumping makes you unhappy, switching to other milk supplies, such as donor milk or formula, might be the healthiest choice for you, emotionally.”
If you don’t have enough time to pump because of the type of job you have, remember you don't have to feed all breastmilk, donor milk or formula. Consider using donor milk or formula for daytime bottle feedings and breastfeed your baby in the morning and night. Your body will adjust to your new schedule. If you decide to change your breastfeeding or pumping schedule, do so slowly. Weaning needs to be a gentle process for your body and your baby to adjust.
Keep in mind that if you find breastfeeding and pumping after your return to work is decreasing your quality of life, weigh the pros and cons. If pumping makes you unhappy, switching to other milk supplies, such as donor milk or formula, might be the healthiest choice for you, emotionally. Yes, breastmilk from you offers the most nutrition for your baby, but having a happy, well-balanced parent is important too.
Find your village at work that's made of people who understand you! It’s also great to have a “phone a friend” when you realize you left behind an essential piece of your pump at home. Meet new friends and gain support at your local La Leche League. Look at the directory to find a meeting close to you.
Being a working parent is all about finding the right rhythm for you. You will live your life on a very tight schedule, but just remember, it’s only a season of your life. The days are long, but the years are short, my friend.
For more info on how to safely store breastmilk and maximize your milk expression, see if this affiliate online course and other resources (some are free!) by Lactation Link are right for you.
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Postpartum Expectations and Must-have Items
7 Key Ingredients to a Good Night’s Sleep for Your Newborn
Make Breastfeeding Easier When Going Back To Work
How Often You Should Feed Your Baby
Ever heard people say "never wake a sleeping baby"? I'm here to tell you that is a myth. Learn how to promote the best feeding and sleeping patterns by following these general feeding tips for newborns.
Never wake a sleeping baby!!
You've heard people say this, right? I'm here to tell you it is a myth. Learn how to promote the best feeding and sleeping patterns by following these general feeding tips for newborns.
Along For The Ride: Embracing The Roller Coaster of Motherhood
PART 1 OF 3, THE HOLISTIC APPROACH TO CHILDBIRTH AND POSTPARTUM
Part 1 of 3, The Holistic Approach to Childbirth and Postpartum
by Stephanie Finn, Certified Pediatric Nurse Practitioner and Registered Nurse
In this series of posts I would like to share with you some things to consider when searching for pediatric healthcare setting. First, I will share a little background about myself and few personal insights from my experience with having a doula and snippets from my postpartum journey.
I entered the scenario of prenatal care and obstetric services as a pediatric nurse practitioner. In addition to managing my own unique health concerns and wanting the best for our baby, I had several years of education and experience as a nurse working with children under my belt. I have witnessed first-hand the concerns of parents fraught with so many important decisions to make in a short amount of time, albeit a precious emotional time. This spans everything from breastfeeding issues, formula selection, vaccination concerns, treatment side effects, potential surgeries, food allergies, mental health concerns, you name it. I knew that I needed to provide my body with the most healthful foods and supplementation, exercise, meditate, pray, and stay centered and at ease throughout the turbulence that can surround pregnancy and early motherhood. Pregnancy is a joyous time, and although we are designed to carry and birth children well, it can be particularly demanding for mothers juggling work, caring for other children, or managing health concerns. With all of this in mind, I began my search for a doula.
First, I must say, I am so thankful to have a loving and supportive husband, who took great joy in helping me with decisions surrounding our birthing day. This was huge! For those in a relationship, having a doula can bring a lot of relief and support to both you and your significant other. Not every mother will have this support—and as I see it, doula care is even more valuable in these situations.
Although I have a handful of very close friends and family who have walked beside me in the best of times and the worst of times (incredibly thankful for them), and very kind extended family members, there was one key piece missing for me during my pregnancy, and more so postpartum: Nearby family-the ones I grew up with so close to me.
“We all share the desire to connect with those close to us and to fulfill our needs and matters of the heart.”
My mother and the close-knit family I grew up with do not live in the same state as my husband and me. This was disheartening for me as I longed to share more special moments as a new mom with them. Even though they are not extremely far away, I missed the communal aspect of being near them. Growing up with a large family full of women and children, I was blessed with the joys of engaging in frequent chats around my grandmother’s kitchen table, having tea on the back porch, time to vent frustrations with family and share our joys, laugh together, and most importantly, do this with those who knew me well as a person. I realized this interaction was so much a part of my norm and integral to my being. While it did not dampen my joy and gratitude surrounding the blessing of a baby, this need became so apparent during my pregnancy and journey postpartum! I’ve heard many mothers relate to this need in varying ways. Whether one’s family is large or small, the key is that the support network must be one that is relatable and unique to the mother. It’s her village, her sustenance. Though the circumstances are unique to everyone, we all share the desire to connect with those close to us and to fulfill our needs and matters of the heart.
Social support has been reported to be a buffer to postpartum depression. What social support means is individual. While one mom may need a few weeks to bond with her new baby with one or two significant others around, another may prefer a more extended network of visitors around. Many new moms may need to make arrangements to visit family, and some may need to warm up to visitors or childcare situations. A new life has shifted from the inside of her body, to the outside world; she has evolved, and there is a beautiful yet major shift taking place during this time. This precious time is not without some degree of vulnerability.
“Ensure the new mother is comfortable and has the conditions she needs to heal physically, rest, and bond with her baby.”
The common thread which is important to keep in mind postpartum is to ensure the new mother is comfortable and has the conditions she needs to heal physically, rest, and bond with her baby. Baby needs mom to be supported! I vividly remember our doula encouraging us to make choices that would be conducive to mother-baby well-being and our health as a growing family, regardless of outside pressures.
The experience of missing family postpartum, being extremely exhausted from breastfeeding and the accompanying sleep deprivation (along with expected hormone shifts) certainly granted me moments of feeling anxious. It’s quite the adjustment. To date, my sweet little one has spent more time in my womb than outside of my womb. The motherhood rollercoaster is just beginning!
My heart is full. I am happy to say that with a supportive husband, an encouraging doula, awesome healthcare provider, a supportive employer and a handful of close friends and family as advocates, I truly ended up with the support I needed. Despite the longing for back home, I was able to stay afloat and keep from spiraling into postpartum depression. Support showed up in unexpected places.
The good health and smile on my child’s face was more than enough to keep me going on days when sleep was out of reach. I had to be proactive to create time and space for what I needed to take care of our baby and myself. Also, I reminded myself that there are gracious and understanding people who have been there. Moms, do not lose sight of this! Thankfully, from the beginning I had the most joyous bond with our baby girl. My heart has stretched with welcoming our greatest treasure into the world, and also for new moms out there who are in the throes of postpartum hormone swings or depression.
“I had to be proactive to create time and space for what I needed to take care of our baby and myself.”
We can all help pregnant women and new mom’s seek out the support they need. Be proactive. Ask, and do not assume what they may need or what they should be doing. As the old saying goes, “Mother knows best.”
As you navigate the world of pregnancy and postpartum, be true to yourself and trust your inner guidance. Reach out for the care that YOU need to be healthy, and fully embrace it. Trusting that you are doing what’s best for you and letting go of the rest will become easier with practice. Pray about it, meditate on it. Find your advocate(s), and extend this custom care to your child and family.
In my next post, I will share a few things to look for in a healthcare setting for the bundle of joy that is entering your world! Soon to follow I will be sharing more details about my birthing day!
Stephanie Finn is a Certified Pediatric Nurse Practitioner and Registered Nurse at CentreSpring MD.
Read Part 2 of 3: Holistic Care For Your Child After Using A Doula
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Childbirth Classes Have A Measurable Impact On Birth
A Long Day's Journey
I didn't lie in bed and cry every day. I got up and tried so hard to be okay. But that was the thing; I spent so much energy trying to be happy and okay that I didn't have energy for anything else. I isolated myself more and more.
When my son was 3 months old, my midwife diagnosed me with postpartum depression. She gave me the name of a highly recommended therapist and told me that things would get better. I didn't go.
When my son was a month old, I stopped sleeping. He would wake up to nurse around midnight, and I wouldn't go back to sleep, usually not until the next night. I desperately wanted to sleep. I was beyond exhausted, but I had become so anxious about not sleeping and not getting enough sleep that I couldn't shut my mind off, and the cycle would continue. I started fantasizing about going to stay in a hotel, just so I could be alone and sleep. Then the fantasies turned darker. I imagined faking a suicide attempt so my husband would commit me to the hospital, SO I COULD SLEEP. I felt depressed, overwhelmed, and so guilty for wanting to be alone. I thought that I never should have become a mom.
I had all the symptoms of postpartum depression but I convinced myself that I could be strong enough to handle it on my own. Women, mothers in particular, have been told that we can do anything. Often, what we hear is you have to do everything. I didn't want to have to get therapy or take medication during a time that was supposed to be the happiest time of my life. I became more defiant. Wasn't it supposed to be hard? I was learning how to be a mother, take care of a baby, not eating or sleeping like I used to, adjusting to a new life. It was supposed to be hard, and I really needed people to stop telling me that I was abnormal in my thoughts and feelings and that I needed help. I became angrier and more frustrated when my husband urged me to get help. There were times when I felt so much rage that I did want to hurt myself. I didn't feel like myself. I would lose control of my emotions and cry, scream, and break things, in front of my child.
“I thought that I never should have become a mom.”
There were moments of joy. I saw glimpses of light in the darkness. I would smile and laugh as I watched my son grow and change. There were days when I felt happy. That's how I continued to deny that I was anxious and depressed. I didn't lie in bed and cry every day. I got up and tried so hard to be okay. But that was the thing; I spent so much energy trying to be happy and okay that I didn't have energy for anything else. I isolated myself more and more.
When my son was 15 months old, he stayed the weekend with his grandparents. My husband was out of town. I sat on the couch and watched TV all weekend. When I went to pick up my son, I hugged him. I lied and told him that I had missed him. I hadn't missed him, and I felt so numb. The thought of bringing him home was overwhelming. I cried on the way home.
That's when I made the decision to get help. I wanted things to be better, not just for me, but for my family. It is hard to love others unless you love yourself, and I wanted my son to grow up with a mom who was happy and whole. I made an appointment with my primary care doctor, and she prescribed me Zoloft. I noticed a difference within a few days. I had more energy. I felt like doing things that I used to enjoy. I didn't feel angry or overwhelmed when my son needed my attention. My thoughts were clearer. I wanted to be outside and play with my son. I was laughing again.
It's been almost a year now since I started taking medication. It's not a magic pill. I don't walk around in a constant state of bliss, but it did clear the fog so I can see moments of bliss. I can wake up each morning and choose to see joy instead of sadness.
“The guilt and shame I felt about needing help were part of my depression.”
I regret not getting help sooner. The guilt and shame I felt about needing help were part of my depression. Since the depression was also tied to being a new mom, there was an added layer of uncertainty about what was normal and abnormal. Being a new mom is hard. There are challenges and adjustments, but you know yourself and your body. Your family and friends know you. Listen to yourself and others. If you are having a difficult time, it is okay to say I am not okay and to talk to someone about it. It can get better, and you and your family deserve that.
Postpartum Support International hosts free, live phone sessions every week, including Wednesday chats for moms and first Monday chats for dads. In Atlanta, new parents can explore therapy options via North Star Support. They also offer telephone therapy sessions so you can talk with an expert while caring for your baby.
6 Ways to Survive a Colicky Baby
"Was I enjoying my sweet, new baby? No. I wanted my old life back. I wanted to run away. More than anything, I wanted to sleep for days."
I remember running into an acquaintance a couple of months after my son was born. “Are you enjoying that sweet, new baby?” she asked. I stared blankly. The weight of exhaustion made it impossible to fake my enthusiasm, so I gave a long, deep sigh. The correct answer was obvious. Doesn't every new mom enjoy their precious new baby? The truth was that I wasn't.
He nursed constantly, refused to take a bottle, would only sleep on top of me or in my arms, screamed every time he was in his car seat. Starting at around 4 pm, every single day, he would become inconsolable and cry. A LOT. I swaddled, nursed, rocked, walked, shushed, begged, and cried with him for hours. This is how I spent most of my afternoons. Was I enjoying my sweet, new baby? No. I wanted my old life back. I wanted to run away. More than anything, I wanted to sleep for days.
Having a high needs or colicky infant feels relentless. Those afternoons stretched before me, and I knew that, unlike what everyone said, this was not going to pass. Time had stopped, and this would go on for the rest of my life. I was Sisyphus, condemned to push a boulder up a hill, with a crying infant strapped to my back.
“I was Sisyphus, condemned to push a boulder up a hill, with a crying infant strapped to my back.”
Everyone was right, though. My son is almost 2 now. He is smart, funny, healthy, and delightful. Here are some tips and techniques I learned along the way, and also some things that I will do differently if I have another child:
Rest when you can. I often found it difficult to sleep during the day, but just closing my eyes in a quiet, dark room helped me recharge. And don't worry if you can't get to sleep. It will get better, and you will sleep again. Being anxious about not sleeping only makes it less likely that you will sleep.
Take a "Mailbox Moment." If you are feeling overwhelmed, put your baby down in safe place, and walk away. Go outside, take deep breaths. I felt guilty when I did this because I wanted to be able to fix it, and I thought a good mother should know how to do that. Now I know that a good mother knows she needs to take care of herself along the way.
Ask for help, and take it when people offer! I found it helpful when my husband would take the baby for a walk. A quiet house and the bliss of aloneness were so healing for me.
Read the Happiest Baby on the Block, and use the “5 S System.” At the time, I had not read the book, but my son's pediatrician recommended the techniques in it. Swaddling and making a loud shushing sound with movement were particularly helpful. If you have a colicky baby, you should know that, while these techniques do help to take the sting out, they may not be the magic solution you're needing. They certainly help, but only time will definitely end the problem.
Hire a postpartum doula. When I became a mom, I didn't have much experience with newborns. While much of the care is instinctual and learned along the way, having a trained and experienced professional would have been so helpful in the transition. A postpartum doula will help the new family by providing emotional support and guidance in newborn care, while helping you get your bearings as a new mom and family.
The most important thing to remember is that it is just a season. It isn't forever. Even though it feels like it is. It really will get better. Now, I look at my wonderful two year old son, and those sleep deprived, colicky days feel like a lifetime ago. In many ways, they were a lifetime ago because I'm not the woman I used to be.
Colic does end. You can survive it, and come out better and stronger on the other side of it. Motherhood is a journey, and journeys aren't always easy. But they are worth it.
How To Stop a Baby's Crying and Other Must-Know Tricks
This method saves the sanity of new parents and provides REAL tools to comfort baby.
Stop a baby's crying and ease colic instantly with Dr. Harvey Karp's internationally known "prescription". This method saves the sanity of new parents and provides REAL tools to comfort baby. Watch the video below, memorize the fabulous Cuddle Cure and Calming Reflex, and use the method to enjoy long periods of sleep.
For more in-depth guidance, look into a private, in-home lesson with us. A consult includes newborn care information such as diapering, co-sleeping safety, SIDS awareness, and sleep scheduling, as well as the Cuddle Cure for ending colic.
4 Things To Do Now For a Healthier Postpartum
Whether it’s your first or fifth baby, here are four things you can do NOW to prep for a healthy jumpstart postpartum.
by guest blogger, Amanda Bifulco, health coach, yogi and mom (also a client of The Happiest Doulas)
I’ve found that clients struggle the most with staying on top with health goals when they aren’t prepared. Start preparing now for the healthiest postpartum you can create. Your body, and your baby, will thank you. Whether it’s your first or fifth baby, here are four things you can do NOW to prepare for a healthy postpartum jumpstart.
1. Cook & Store
Before the birth of my son, I stocked my freezer with meals that would be easy to heat up and eat. I recommend, clients make sure there are plenty of healthy options that don’t require a lot of work to prepare. I knew my husband and I would both be tired and could quickly take the easy way out (pizza or other delivered fast food) if not prepared. I exclusively breast feed, and these didn’t seem to impact little man’s tummy, but it’s easy to scale back on the flavor (less salsa, less tomato, less Balsamic vinegar) if you think they’re contributing to an upset tummy for your baby.
2. Have a Fitness Plan
You don’t know how your labor and recovery is going to go. Every woman is different and every labor is different though everybody needs some time to recover. Physical movement can be part of that recovery and ultimately help you feel better faster. Have a fitness plan and have a goal in mind.
““Even if your labor and delivery go as perfectly as planned, these four suggestions can help you have a healthier postpartum and settle in at home a little bit easier.”
My plan was to get back to walking the dog as quickly as possible. Within days of getting home, even though I was exhausted, I put on some sneakers and took the dog for a walk up and down the block, while family stayed home with baby. I didn’t go far or fast, but I can’t tell you how AMAZING the fresh air and sunshine felt. It was February and it was cold out, but it felt glorious to be outside. When I came back I felt like a new person. True story. After that, my goals were to start gentle yoga and, once cleared by my doctor, get back to the gym.
3. Grocery Shopping
As many do, I make a grocery list when I go to the store. As we got closer to our due date, I made a list of essentials and non-essentials that my husband could pick up when he was on his way home or out and about. For example, we can never have too much almond milk or eggs. Seriously. We go through that stuff like water. Plus, if we DO end up with some extra, I make almond milk ice cubes, a quiche for dinner, or egg muffins and freeze them. Anyways, I digress…have a list of essentials that ANYONE can pick up for you. If a friend is stopping by to visit you and the baby and asks if you need anything: essentials.
Family member willing to run to the store, what do you need: essentials. Going to the doctor and significant other will run into the store: essentials. You THINK you’ll remember what these essentials are but you probably won’t. And someone will offer and you won’t be able to come up with anything. WRITE THINGS DOWN.
4. Vitamins
High five for taking pre-natal vitamins throughout your pregnancy, but don’t stop now! Let’s review: you just birthed a BABY. Your body is recovering from delivery. You’re going to lose sleep. You’re body still needs essential vitamins and nutrients supplemental to your diet. And I didn’t even mention breastfeeding, if you plan to. Have a multivitamin ready to start taking immediately. I kept on taking my prenatal vitamins until I ran out and then switched to a high quality multi-vitamin.
Even if your labor and delivery goes perfectly as planned, these four suggestions can help you have a healthier postpartum and settle in at home a little bit easier.
About the author:
Amanda Bifulco currently lives in Virginia with her husband, dog and son. While not busy being a mom, coaching or pursuing her own fitness goals, she’s blogging tips and tricks to help others reach their weight loss or fitness goals. Find out more about Amanda here or connect with her on Facebook or via Twitter and IG @AmandaJoyFit.
7 Tips to Better Organize the Nursery Now!
Simplify now to reduce clutter (and frustration) later. Colleen Downey, co-owner of Indianapolis Doulas, a full service doula agency serving families in Central Indiana, provides her tips for nursery organization.
by Colleen Downey, Birth and Postpartum Doula
If any of my friends from high school are reading this, I’m sure you’re shocked that I’m the person writing about organization. Because, like, whoa. But alas, my life has led me to this crazy place of being somewhat of an expert in birth, breastfeeding, AND organizing nurseries. So hang on, because here we go.
7 Tips to Keep Your Baby's Nursery Organized and Clean
1. Only keep items you’ll use. In my experience, you’ll need 10‐15 sleepers (maybe a few extra fleece ones for cold nights), 10 onesies, 10 pants, infinite socks (seriously, those little stinkers are always coming up missing), 5‐10 t‐shirts MAXIMUM! Donate or sell anything above and beyond.
2. Use Oxiclean. Seriously, this stuff is amazing at getting all kinds of stains out. For the really bad ones like breastmilk, formula, and blowouts be sure to soak them in the wash with oxiclean overnight and they’ll look like new!
3. Roll everything! You know how you roll your clothes when you pack a suitcase? Same thing with baby clothes. You can see all your options and you don’t have to dig to find them. Anything that is just too bulky to roll hang up in the closet.
4. Plan ahead. Use the dresser for the size your child is currently wearing and the next size up (For example, newborn and 0‐3 months). Keep them separate but easily accessible. Save yourself a headache and use the closet for clothing two sizes up from their current size (in this case, 3‐6 months and 6‐9 months).
5. Have two small laundry baskets in the closet. One for clothes that are too small and one for the clothes that are too big. No matter how carefully you organize, there are always a few stragglers. Having a place to put them helps you keep out the clutter.
6. Have a laundry basket just for your kid’s stuff and wash it separately. Not because you need special soap or anything, just so folding and putting away goes quicker. You’re a parent—you want to save time wherever you can and this is it. Ain’t nobody got time for more laundry.
7. Get a shoe box or a small basket. Use it to contain my arch nemesis—baby socks, hats, bibs, and underwear when they get older.
Simplify Now to Reduce Clutter Later
These tips totally apply to toys and whatever else you got at your baby shower, too. Trust me, your baby doesn’t need much. The sooner you simplify and get rid of unnecessary things the easier your life will be.
Support Your Postpartum Abs with Belly Binding
After childbirth, easily improve your posture, stabilize loosened ligaments, and support the abdominal wall while muscles retract and organs return to their pre-pregnancy location.
Did your body swell and expand during pregnancy? I would be surprised if it didn’t. All mothers experience some form of swelling from retained water, fat and air. This extra cushioning is important to support the baby, mama’s organs and bones. After birth, when this extra cushioning is no longer needed, her body will naturally start to shrink back down to her pre-pregnant size. Belly binding may speed up this process and provide support to women during their recovery period.
What is Bengkung Belly Binding?
A belly bind gives full support to a mother’s abdomen, torso and pelvic area. This helps to improve posture, stabilize loosened ligaments and support the abdominal wall while muscles retract and organs move back into their correct place.
The pelvic floor is a huge support system for your bladder, colon and lower intestines, and support is crucial as the cervix needs to shrink and muscles need to heal without stretching further. Have you ever wondered why so many women experience incontinence after giving birth? Why a cough, laugh or sneeze makes you stop and wonder what just happened!? The pelvic floor can remain unstable for several months after giving birth – any extra support in this region is readily welcome by most women.
Hips need to close and the constant pressure from the bind can help support this. Binding can aid in the healing of ailments like diastasis recti (the separation of your outer most abdominal muscles), and in more extreme cases can be used in tandem with certain strengthening exercises recommended by a Physical Therapist.
Spine and posture realignment are commonly needed as pregnancy has a tendency to throw things out of whack. As babies grow in utero, it shifts moms balance by tipping the pelvis forward and the tailbone backwards, and ultimately both the lower and upper spines compensate for these changes and mom is left with the classic “S” shaped spine, which causes aches, pains, and weaknesses. The added support of a bind is often a gentle reminder for mothers to be cautious of their posture, as some women tend to hunch over when picking up babies or even while breastfeeding.
When To Wrap Up
Belly binding can also be used by those who have had cesarean births. Binding can start between 4-6 weeks postpartum for a mother who is recovering from a c-section and for those who’ve had a vaginal birth, start a few days postpartum. It can be worn for a few days or up to 6 weeks.
When looking for belly binding information to share with you, I came across this post from a chiropractor at Core Exercise Solutions about diastasis recti (abdominal separation). The author reviews both the pros and cons of belts like the Belly Bandit type, which is a commonly used product available in many different sizes/styles. I think the points made in the post also apply to the Bengkung Binding method.
Finally, I found this virtual service for learning how to wrap safely. The site includes a shop for the needed supplies, which makes me want to try it out! (Non-affiliate link.)
